and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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