why didn't you poke me back
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
