Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
