What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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