she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you never un-have a 4some
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
