Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
