There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
