worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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