you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
