Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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