i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
