We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
