That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
