North Korea, Best Korea!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
