What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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