Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
