My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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