My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
