I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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