I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
