I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
smell my finger.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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