Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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