Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
