there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
