Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
not ubering you a puppy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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