The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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