so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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