After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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