They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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