I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
