Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
