dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is wine microwaveable?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
