accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
