Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
