she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
