quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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