Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Say something about gay babies.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
