I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she told me i tasted like america
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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