So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
