I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
