clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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