she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
