Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
