as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
