her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
