We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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