Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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