He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
