you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
