I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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