I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
